Profoundly Thankful

I love looking through old pictures. It’s especially fun to find a really good one that you don’t remember ever seeing. This morning, I found this one of Trent taken two years ago, just past his second birthday.

There have been many moments since he was hospitalized that I’ve been particularly struck with thankfulness that he is still with us. Often, it happens during special occasions: his birthday, of course, watching him open his Christmas gifts, toasting the old and new years last night. And then, unexpectedly, this morning, when I came across this picture of him that I don’t remember ever seeing. I had two immediate reactions:

Awwwww … look how gorgeous he is, and

Wow … I’m so very thankful he’s still with us.

Thankful that I wasn’t looking at this picture of his little face in an “In Memoriam” kind of way … wondering what he might look like as a four-year-old.

To many, that might sound strange and maybe even a little macabre, but that is how my thought processes tend to go these days.

I know our older girls have a changed perspective, too. Not long after Trent came home, as Courtney was stepping over his toys, she suddenly said “I’m so glad we still have his little toddler messes!” More thankfulness. Were we ever thankful for his messes before last August?

Sometimes, it surprises and disappoints me that I can still have times of anger, frustration and discontent over things that are so minor compared to what we went through. It’s just more evidence of our fallen natures, of course. But thankfully, God gives us all these moments -- the big milestone events and the little things like the discovery of a photograph -- to remind of us His goodness and mercy. And we are profoundly thankful for all those moments … and for our healthy little boy.